Does Jesus Live Through Me?

A shower thought that opened a bigger question about faith and performance.

This thought came to me one day in the shower. Apparently that’s where half of my deeper thoughts show up these days, so maybe the shower has quietly become my unofficial theology office.

I was thinking about Jesus. His personality, the way he treated people, his gentleness, truthfulness, courage, and how he never seemed controlled by people’s opinions. So many times I’ve thought that I want to live more like that. I want Jesus to be more than just some distant religious figure. I want him to actually be my example.

But then a question suddenly came into my mind. Am I trying to live like Jesus, or am I letting Jesus live through me? And even though that might sound like a small difference, I really don’t think it is.

At one point I started reading Jesus’ teachings almost like a checklist. Love more. Forgive faster. Be patient. Don’t get irritated. Be humble. Serve others. Be a better person.

And honestly, all of that sounds good. Of course it does. The problem started when I tried to squeeze those things out of myself by force.

The more I tried to “be like Jesus,” the more I noticed everything that wasn’t. I still got irritated. I still got tired. Sometimes I was selfish, cold, bitter. And on top of that came the guilt of feeling like I just wasn’t a good enough Christian.

At some point faith can quietly turn into this strange spiritual gym. More effort. More discipline. More holiness. More self-control. Just keep pushing harder. And eventually you realize this doesn’t even feel like resting in Christ anymore. It feels like a sweaty self-improvement project where I’m somehow both the exhausted client and the personal trainer yelling at myself.

But while reading the Bible, I kept running into something very different.

Paul says:

“I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me…”
Galatians 2:20 (KJV)

That verse really stopped me. Because it doesn’t say, “Try harder to become more like Jesus.” It talks about Christ himself living in a person.

That’s a completely different starting point.

A lot of the time Christianity quietly turns into imitation. Almost like spiritual cosplay. Learn the right words, the right behavior, the right Christian appearance. Try to look spiritually put together while inside you can still be completely exhausted.

Jesus never called people to build some outward Jesus-role. He called people to remain in him.

“Abide in me, and I in you… for without me ye can do nothing.”
John 15:4–5 (KJV)

That “without me” part is honestly pretty humbling. Because at least I always want to add something to it. Like: “Without me ye can do nothing… unless you really focus, pray enough, read enough, and finally get yourself spiritually together.”

But that’s not what it says.

And maybe that’s exactly why so many Christians burn out. We try to produce, through our own effort, something that only grows through connection with God. The closer I stay to Jesus, the more naturally it should begin to show in the way I live too.

I keep coming back to this: first connection, then fruit. Not the other way around.

That still doesn’t mean every right thing suddenly feels natural or effortless. Sometimes I forgive before I actually feel forgiving. Sometimes I choose not to say something back even when I really want to. That’s not necessarily fake. Maybe that’s part of the process too. Maybe that’s one of the places where Jesus slowly changes something inside me.

I’m not saying actions don’t matter. They do. If someone says they follow Jesus, surely something should eventually show up in the way they live. But if Christianity becomes constant self-monitoring, things go sideways pretty fast.

Was I patient enough today? Did I pray enough? Was I loving enough? Why did I lose my temper again? Why am I still not better than this?

At that point faith no longer pulls me closer to Jesus. It pulls me closer to myself. And honestly, that’s a heavy place to live.

And the worst part is how easily I start trusting my own performance more than Jesus himself. Maybe the core of Christianity isn’t: “Look how well I follow Jesus.” Maybe it’s more: “Look how much I need Jesus.”

Maybe real change starts when I stop trying to force myself into becoming a “better Christian.” I can’t fix myself by sheer effort. I’ve already seen that enough times. But if I stay close to Jesus, he starts doing in me what I cannot do myself. Slowly. Sometimes painfully slowly. But still for real.

And maybe that leaves me with the question I keep asking myself now:

Am I just trying to look like a follower of Jesus, or am I willing to let Jesus do in me what I cannot do myself?

This thought came to me one day in the shower. Apparently that’s where half of my deeper thoughts show up these days, so maybe the shower has quietly become my unofficial theology office.

I was thinking about Jesus. His personality, the way he treated people, his gentleness, truthfulness, courage, and how he never seemed controlled by people’s opinions. So many times I’ve thought that I want to live more like that. I want Jesus to be more than just some distant religious figure. I want him to actually be my example.

But then a question suddenly came into my mind. Am I trying to live like Jesus, or am I letting Jesus live through me? And even though that might sound like a small difference, I really don’t think it is.

At one point I started reading Jesus’ teachings almost like a checklist. Love more. Forgive faster. Be patient. Don’t get irritated. Be humble. Serve others. Be a better person.

And honestly, all of that sounds good. Of course it does. The problem started when I tried to squeeze those things out of myself by force.

The more I tried to “be like Jesus,” the more I noticed everything that wasn’t. I still got irritated. I still got tired. Sometimes I was selfish, cold, bitter. And on top of that came the guilt of feeling like I just wasn’t a good enough Christian.

At some point faith can quietly turn into this strange spiritual gym. More effort. More discipline. More holiness. More self-control. Just keep pushing harder. And eventually you realize this doesn’t even feel like resting in Christ anymore. It feels like a sweaty self-improvement project where I’m somehow both the exhausted client and the personal trainer yelling at myself.

But while reading the Bible, I kept running into something very different.

Paul says:

“I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me…”
Galatians 2:20 (KJV)

That verse really stopped me because it doesn’t say, “Try harder to become more like Jesus.” It talks about Christ himself living in a person.

That’s a completely different starting point.

A lot of the time Christianity quietly turns into imitation. Almost like spiritual cosplay. Learn the right words, the right behavior, the right Christian appearance. Try to look like someone who has it together spiritually. Meanwhile inside, you can still be completely exhausted.

Jesus never called people to perform him. He called people to remain in him.

“Abide in me, and I in you… for without me ye can do nothing.”
John 15:4–5 (KJV)

That “apart from me” part is honestly pretty humbling because at least I always want to add something to it. Like: “Apart from me you can do nothing… unless you really focus, pray enough, read enough, and finally get yourself spiritually together.”

But that’s not what it says.

And maybe that’s exactly why so many Christians burn out. We try to produce, through our own effort, something that only grows through connection with God. I keep coming back to this: first connection, then fruit. Not the other way around. The closer I stay to Jesus, the more naturally things begin to change in the way I live too.

I’m not saying actions don’t matter. They do. If someone says they follow Jesus, surely something should eventually show up in the way they live. But if Christianity becomes constant self-monitoring, things go sideways pretty fast. Was I patient enough today? Did I pray enough? Was I loving enough? Why did I lose my temper again? Why am I still not better than this? At that point faith no longer pulls me closer to Jesus. It pulls me closer to myself. And honestly, that’s a heavy place to live.

And the worst part is how easily I start trusting my own performance more than Jesus himself. Maybe the core of Christianity isn’t: “Look how well I follow Jesus.” Maybe it’s more: “Look how much I need Jesus.”

Maybe real change starts when I stop trying to force myself into becoming a “better Christian.” I can’t fix myself by sheer effort. I’ve already seen that enough times. But if I stay close to Jesus, he starts doing in me what I cannot do myself. Slowly, sometimes painfully slowly, but still for real.

And maybe that leaves me with the question I keep asking myself now: am I trying to perform Jesus, or am I finally willing to let him live through me?